Here’s my recap of Episode 2 (entitled “Home”) of HBO’s Game of Thrones:
- Bran Stark (Issac Hempstead-Wright)–remember him? Well, he’s all grown up and having flashbacks all over the place thanks to enrolling in the Diploma of the Three-Eyed-Raven. In the “This Is Your Life” segment, Bran wins a trip down memory lane. Unfortunately, the Three-Eyed-Raven won’t let him stay there but we learn just enough to find out Hodor’s name is actually Willis (which is completely hilarious thanks to the meme below) and for some strange reason Bran knows what his dad’s sister, Lyanna looks like. So who is this Lyanna? And why would she be important? Well…
- Just when you think it’s time for Davos to get his head bashed in by Alliser Thorne (Owen Teale), the giants and wildlings turn up just in time to fix things so Jon Snow (Kit Harington) can… still be dead. Right, isn’t he starting to stink already?
- Poor Cersei (Lena Headey) is having problems attending her daughter’s funeral even though she has a mysterious giant dressed in armour defending her honour.
- Cersei’s son, Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) is also having troubles. But they are of an, “I’m a wuss and my mother has more balls than me” variety. Speaking of balls, his are starting to go blue but they won’t let him in to see Margaery (Natalie Dormer) until she admits her sins.
- Still speaking of the Lannisters, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is calling the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce) out for his religion being even more brutal than any war ever held in Westeros. It’s good to see this argument exists everywhere–even in epic fantasy.
- Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) tells more dick jokes in this week’s episode of Game of Thrones and steals the entire episode by visiting Daenerys’ (Emilia Clarke) dragons. While this probably had nothing to do with anything, it got people excited who believed Tyrion is actually a Targaryen and just doesn’t know it yet.
- Arya (Maisie Williams) gets beaten by the mean girl again except this time she turns out to be Jaqen H’ghar (Tom Wlaschiha) and it looks like she is about to go into Daredevil training.
- Her sister, Sansa (Sophie Turner), on the other hand, is sad because her life sucks and no one ever gives her anything fun to do. Theon (Alfie Allen) then crushes her that little bit more by telling her he is going to return home. Because apparently Theon has Stockholm Syndrome and Sansa just doesn’t cut it in the mean department.
- So what is actually going on back at the Greyjoy’s castle? Oh, you know, just Yara (Gemma Whelan) being sulky and some dude pushing her dad off a bridge. Say what?! This is where is it helpful to read the books. Which I haven’t, so I had to Google what the hell was going on. Apparently that was Yara and Theon’s uncle, their dad’s brother, and he had gotten sick of Lord Greyjoy’s shit for some reason HBO hasn’t explained to us yet.
- Ramsay Bolton (Iwan Rheon) killing his entire family, including his newborn half-brother and everyone being surprised by it. Guys. Come on. It’s Ramsey-Fucking-Bolton. He is the worst cunt ever. Even more twisted than Joffrey. Remember when he cut off Theon’s dick and fed his lover to the dogs after she died? Committing patricide, matricide and neonaticide is Ramsay’s destiny. But at least we now finally know who let the dogs out.
- Just in case you had forgotten, Game of Thrones is just as much about killing people as it is about tits and dragons. On a side note, if you ever find yourself in Westeros, you might want to steer clear of walls.
— Luke Martin (@LukeMartinLFC) May 2, 2016
- Jon Snow lives. Oh, were we supposed to be surprised by that? #SurpriseNoSurprise
At least Kit Harington had the decency to apologise to Game of Thrones fans for lying. HBO have yet to do the same.
What did you think of episode 2 of Game of Thrones season 6? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below.
Season 6 of Game of Thrones returns to HBO with Episode 3, entitled “Oathbreaker,” on Sunday, May 8, at 10 p.m. ET.
The official synopsis for Episode 3 is as follows.
“Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) meets her future. Bran meets the past. Tommen confronts the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce). Arya (Maisie Williams) trains to be No One. Varys (Conleth Hill) finds an answer. Ramsay gets a gift.”
[Image via HBO Inc.]