The Lion and The Rose
My Season 4, Episode 2 recap of HBO’s Game of Thrones is bought to you by the letter C and the number of times it occurs throughout. Please step away now if you don’t like the C word…
Now, I had heard rumours about this episode. A wedding to rival the red wedding, one that went by the title of the purple wedding. I had mulled over what this meant and had decided that a crapload more people were going to die. I had also decided that purple was the colour of choking or – more in the style of Game of Thrones – murder via mass poisoning. A cautionary ‘don’t drink the Kool Aid’ tale – medieval style.
What I got was SO much better than that!
What we got was a dead King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) – so thank you very muchGeorge R. R. Martin.
As a result of this, most of what else happened in this episode was forgotten in the reaction my hubby and I had to the demise of King
Justin Beiber Joffrey. First we were like, ‘oh look, the poor little shit can’t even eat pie without mummy’s help – hope the bastard chokes.‘ Then, when actual choking occurred, we started to fist pump the air. We still didn’t believe it though, spouting the fact that George R. R. Martin holds dear those characters we hate the most.
Then Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) cried.
So we threw our hands up in glee.
We probably shouldn’t be so happy at the death of a character, but let’s face it, it’s Joffrey. The kid is a cunt. Sir Cuntsalot would be a better name for him. Seriously, he is the only dick in the word that the term ‘fucktard’ just doesn’t quite cut it for.
Let’s just take a moment to savour the moment:
How about some stills of that?
About two seconds after that, the joy started to fade.
That was the moment when Cersei pointed her pointy little bitch finger at Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) and proclaimed him the murderer. Yeah, George R. R. Martin, we need to have a talk…
So, normally, this is where I’d put the ‘WTF moments‘, but since we’ve already covered that. How about…
That other stuff that is probably important:
- We find out the fate of Theon Greyjoy (Alfie Allen). Thanks to Ramsay Snow (Iwan Rheon) he is now fucktarded beyond all recognition – or is he? Seems he was pretty sad at the mention of Robb Stark (Richard Madden) being dead… Honestly, even though this boy has been as cunty as King Joffrey, I am starting to feel sorry for the poor metaphorical bastard. As a result of Ramsey dismembering Theon, there are now people out there who realise there is more than one Stark left alive.
- Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) joins left-handed fight club thanks to Tyrion. But you know the first rule of fight club… Although, seriously, why doesn’t he use his golden hand as a weapon now? He could easily catch a sword midflight with that sucker!
- Speaking of Tyrion, he gets treated like a dog at the wedding, but in a brief moment (when Sansa reaches down and retrieves the goblet that Sir Cuntsalot dropped in order to make Tyrion grovel) we discover just how awesome a match him and Lady Sansa (Sophie Turner) could be.
- And what of Tyion’s lover, Shae (Sibel Kekilli)? Once he realises that Shae is a dead woman walking (thanks to that little dobber last week), he breaks her heart and sends her away on a ship.
- Melisandre (Carice van Houten) – remember her? Yep, the evil shadow baby birthing bitch is back. Needless to say, she is still a bitch…
- Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) has another vision and now knows where they all need to go.
So who killed Joffrey?
Cersei claims it’s Tyrion, but we all know it probably wasn’t since he was ordered to get Joffrey a goblet of wine and then we watched as he walked over and got the king’s goblet from the wedding table. Was it Margaery Tyrell (Natalie Dormer)? Perhaps even her mother, since she was seated right next to the wine cup that Tyrion retrieved. Or was the poison actually in the pie? Was it, therefore, a plot to kill more than just the king? And then we had that little snippet where the court jester told Sansa to leave now in order to save herself – was he the murderer? My favourite theory, however, goes to a Facebook friend of mine who thinks that maybe Cersei was attempting to poison Margaery and then accidentally poisoned her own son!
Let me know what you thought of this episode by commenting below! Please be aware though, that I have not read the books yet, so do not want to be spoiled for future episodes 😀
(Photo Credits: HBO Inc.)